Wadah perjuangan dan keikhlasan

Sudah sebulan dah tak update blog. Ini satu kemurkaan. =p

Mari kita hidupkan semula blog ini. Untuk bulan ini, saya akan mulakan dengan satu post yang sedikit blues. Blues pagi dan sedikit kisah sebagai pembuka bicara.

Sesudah kenyang menjamu sarapan, saya melangkah ke surau. Utk menunaikan dhuha sebelum memulakan rutinitas kerja harian. Setelah selesai solat, saya toleh ke belakang utk melihat siapakah juga gerangan yg masuk ke surau. Dalam hati ada terdetik, isk2 sapa la yg datang surau nak tido mcm aku.... Isk2(lintasan syaitonirrajim). astaghfirullahalazim. Rupa-rupanya ada seorang makcik tengah melipat-lipat kain-kain telekung, memilih-milih dan memasukkan ke dalam plastik.

Wah. Inilah rupanya makcik yang menjaga dan me maintain kan kemaslahatan dan kebersihan telekung......

Saya hanya tersenyum dan meng scan rupa makcik tu. Kot kot antara salah satu staff yg saya selalu terserempak kat surau. Nyata bukan. Makcik tersebut hanya berbaju t dan juga membawa hand bag. Pelik. Makcik2 cleaner semua masuk kerja awal2 pagi, dan dah pakai dah baju seragam mereka yg indah. Nyata makcik tu bukan cleaner, bukan juga staff2 institut kaji selidik ubat ni. Hmm.. I wonder.

Wonder, wonder pun... tak berani kot nak pegi tanya makcik tu. Hanya senyuman paling indah je dapat disumbang kat makcik tu (pergh perasan).

Fikir-fikirkan.... mak cik ni sgt ikhlas dan komited dgn sumbangan beliau kepada kemaslahatan org2 muslim dkt tempat kerja. Saya sgt kagum dgn beliau. Rasa nak pi peluk je makcik tu. Sebab dia telah memberi saya satu percikan minda.

Saya lalu merefleksi diri, dan rakan sekeliling. Kami sibuk dok buat dakwah. Sibok cakap pasal usrah. Nak usrah kan dia tu, dia tu. Macam mana nak kasi orang faham islam. Macam-macam.

Setelah beberapa tahun jagung berkecimpung dalam dunia dakwah ni, dan membesar dalam dakwah dan tarbiyah, saya mula faham bahawa dengan jalan ini, setelah faham, harus bekerja untuk memahamkan orang lain pula. Kami yakin dengan cara ini. Biar lambat,asalkan hasilnya berkualiti.

Tapi ada juga yang saya jumpa berfikiran lain. Beliau tidak merasakan jalan ini yang beliau nak pilih. Saya juga kurang pasti apa sebab beliau, saya masih pening-pening lalat. Rasanya dia ni pun dah faham dah. Tapi beliau tak rasa ini jalannya. Mungkin. Noktah.

Muhasabah terbesar bagi saya, saya hanya berserah kepada Allah. Kisah makcik tadi sebenarnya satu tamparan hebat bagi saya. Beliau tidak berpeluang mendapat kefahaman fikrah seperti kami (andaian), tapi beliau cuba berkomitmen dengan sesuatu yang beliau mampu utk lakukan demi menyumbang kepada masyarakat,kepada Allah. Dan sebagai sahamnya di akhirat kelak. Namun, bagi kita, kita yg sudah faham? Kita memegang satu saham yg pulangannya, hanya Allah yg dapat menghitungkan... InsyaALlah, lebih byk sahamnya. Kenapa saya kata begitu? Bayangkan, jikalau seseorang individu berubah kerana anda, anda telah mendapat satu keuntungan yg lumayan. Anda mendapat saham terhadap semua amal kebaikan yang beliau lakukan. Fulamak weyh!

Jika seseorang mendapat petunjuk disebabkan dirimu, itu lebih baik daripada dunia dan seisinya. (Hadith)

[best kot..]

Utk seseorang yg tidak merasakan ini jalannya lagi, satu sahaja komen dari saya. Carilah wadahmu, maka ber komitmen lah. Kerana itu yang boleh menjamin dirimu di akhirat kelak... Pesanan terpenting utk diri ini.

p/s: Ini post yg telah di draft bulan Ogos 2011. Sekian....

Isu jiwa

Gosh I really hate myself for restrain myself from writing. Somehow writing keeps track of yourself. I sometimes forgot how I felt, until I read again of my previous posts. How different can I be from what I left behind?

Ok enough with the merepeks...

Straight to my point. I wanted to share my series of thoughts today. Hari ini saya (amboi tau plak berbahasa melayu) telah membuat satu game best. Game bertanya pendapat akhawat menegenai isu ' Akhawat dan Insensitive'. Insensitive di sini maksudnya kurang peka terhadap perasaan orang lain. Saya bertanya pendapat beberapa orang, kerana isu ini menjadi isu berbangkit hal-hal mengenai hati dan ukhuwwah sesama kita.

Saya sgt merasakan bahawa seorang akhawat tidak boleh tidak, harus mempunyai sifat ini. Paling tidak, melazimi supaya beliau mempunyai sifat ini. Manakan tidak, dia hidup dengan perempuan, yang kadang2 kita tak boleh jangka emosi dan sensitivitinya.
Kami bersembang isu ini, macam mana ia nya terjadi and how to deal with it. Macam2 pendapat keluar.

Kemungkinan, seorang akhawat mempunyai sifat insensitif sb beliau sgtlah tidak kisah akan hal-hal remeh temeh. Lalu, beliau menyangka ianya tidak akan menyebabkan orang lain terasa. Walhal, beliau tidak layak berfikiran sebegitu, sebabnya, lain orang lain perkara yg bakal menyinggung perasaan mereka. Lagi parah, beliau seorang yang sangat sensitif, tapi jiwa sendiri tidak sensitif terhadap orang lain.

Pening?

Ye saye juge pening. All in all, what I am trying to say is, kita tak boleh expect apa yang kita buat tidak mempengaruhi akhawat kita. Kadang-kadang kita tak aware, sebab kita bersangka baik sangat dengan semua orang. Kita sangka semua orang sentiasa berada dalam hamasah yang tinggi, tak kisah langsung hal remeh tamah. Di sini kita silap. Fitrah seorang manusia adalah berperasaan, beremosi dan iman(juga hamasah) turun naik. Kita tak boleh predict kalau kita buat macam ni, akhawat ni tak akan terasa punya sebab dia faham. Tapi kita lupa, sebab dia faham la kita kena rajin jaga hati dia. Sebab kita akan selalu jumpa dia, hidup dengan dia, kerja dengan dia, mintak tolong pada dia. Macam-macam....

Selalu, kalau terjadi virus-virus ukhuwwah macam ni, kita lazim mendengar nasihat yang sama. Yakni, kita kena reflect balik niat. kenapa kita di jalan ni. kalau kita ikhlas, kita tak akan terasa. kalau kita nak, memang kita kena byk berkorbah perasaan. Berlapang dadalah.....

Ya nasihat ini sangat benar. Tapi saya sangat risau dengan nasihat ini. Kita kalau selalu sgt dok cakap macam tu, takut sangat kalau2 ada yg sampai lupa nak improve perangai/cara/habit so that kita tak menyinggung hati akhawat kita. Ini parah kalau kita dah tahu akhawat kita tu ada masalah kalau ada certain benda yg akan buat dia rasa marah/bengang/sakit hati.

Tapi lagi parah, kalau akhawat A yang membuatkan akhawat B terasa, adalah kalau si A sangat insensitif. Dia dah buat si B terasa marah/bengang/sakit hati, tapi tak sedar yang dirinya adalah punca si B marah/bengang/sakit hati. RUnsing.... ini parah sebab si B akan makan dalam. Lalu,berbekas di hati....

Ini lagi bertambah parah, kalau si B menjauhkan diri dari tarbiyyah kerana terasa hati dgn si A. Sangat parah!!!

Nauzubillah hi min dzalik....
Ini isu yang tak boleh dikupas berdasarkan ilmu sains. Ini isu jiwa. Saya juga selalu takut, kalau2 pernah melakukan sesuatu yang menyinggung sesiapa. Sehingga orang itu cakap tak nak dah.

Runsing... harus berusaha nasihat menasihati. tapi ini kes kompleks. Wanita sungguh.... sangat.. KOMPLEKS.

1st Ramadhan @ 1st August

Memang tahun ni dah tahu, 1st day puasa besar kemungkinan jatuh pada 1st of August. dan ye iyenye confirm(ayat tunggang langgang..maaf dah lama tak menulis. kasi can la. )
Tahun ni xde kek. full stop. haha.. bunyi macam kecewa kan. tapi memang serius, tahun ni tak ade kek langsung. mungkin sb dah tak duduk dgn kawan2, tapi family selalu belikan kek tak kira beday siapa pun. hari ibu atau hari ayah pun kitrog beli kek... haha.. family yg gila kek.
Namun, setiap kali dah bertambah usia, tahun demi tahun, aku tak merasakan perlunya ada kek dan celebration, serta ucap selamat. (okey skrg saya dah berbunyi seperti tidak menghargai ucapan-ucapan dari kawan2..)
Tidak. tak bermaksud begitu. Ini semua sebab aku merasakan bila umur semakin bertambah. maknanya, semakin dekat dgn mati. Sebenarnya, tahu je, every breath that we take, it is a step towards death. Tapi ye lah kan, sebagai seorang manusia, memang sgt mudah lupa. Cuma ingat masa2 tertentu saja. Jadi, tahun ini.. tahun yang paling berdebar menanti 1 Ogos, bersamaan 1 Ramadhan. Menunggu penuh harap, adakah aku akan diperpanjangkan umur utk bertemu dgn Ramadhan kali ini. Alhamdulillah, takdir menentukan aku masih lagi di sini, dan sempat bertemu dgn Ramadhan.

So, I am calling all and first and foremost, myself, to remind us. Ramadhan is here, the door is open, it is up to us to cherish the moment. Mencari dan menggunakan sebanyak2 peluang yang ada untuk beramal di bulan mulia ini, mencari keredhaan dan keampunan Allah dan mencapai tujuan utama berpuasa... yakni TAQWA.....

Wahai orang-orang yang beriman! Kamu diwajibkan berpuasa sebagaimana diwajibkan atas orang-orang yang dahulu daripada kamu, supaya kamu bertaqwa.

Al Baqarah:183

p/s: namun,masih berdebarkah kita, sama ada umur kita sempatkah bertemu Lailatul qadr dan menghabiskan 30 hari puasa Ramadhan? sekadar renungan di sebalik contengan terburu-buru ini...

biar betul, Kak Limah?!

biar betul? pagi tadi masa dlm perjalanan ke kerja, dihantar oleh Abah.

"last weekend, Yati pi berdakwah kat mana?"

terkedu sebentar... terkedu....

"kat ....., erm, program dgn adik2 je yg bkl fly...dkt camping site.... etc etc"

what in the name of god? My Abah used the D word....

Syabbas?

Taking another step ahead...?

It's been ages since my last entry. I could not explain or come to terms why on earth I stop writing. Often,(no perhaps always is more suitable) I thought of writing whatever come to my mind during the day, or work, or spending time with friends and families, yet, none of them appeared here. You should not know why.

Reading my beloved friend's blog when she posted a new entry yesterday, I felt I wanted to say the same thing. She wrote about her new phase of life. Yes, we all have phases in life. Phases and cycles we have to bear until the last breath is taken from you. Yes.

And now I am reading her entry, and felt familiar with the feeling. One year ago, I was there, I once had felt how she is feeling right now, how to feel unbelievably graduated at last. A degree in hand, yet so empty to start with. Fear. Timid. That was, a year ago....

And how I missed being a student. so much!

Till one day I took a day off, and went to Monash, stayed in the library. Searched for informations which now seem more relevant than the last time I've been there. Bizarre, isn't it?

So, there is a good news. Maybe a year later I am a student again. Well, when I met new people, they usually guessed that I am still studying, so, I still have the look, people. Haha...

We'll see what lies ahead and how Allah turn it out for me. Pray for the best to happen. In life, there is always steps for you to take. And this time, I am taking a step forward, writing again.. I'm back...

p/s: We are still students in Universiti of Tarbiyyah.....;)

How to memorize the Quran

I am fascinated with such an amazing website. A guy dedicates himself to teach others Quranic Arabic to master and understand Quran for FREE. He gives so many tips, shares it on his blog and hoping that he could achieve his goal this year that 1000 muslims can learned Quranic Arabic.

But this time I wanted to share tips he wrotes on the blog about how to memorize quran easily. For students, this is really helpful. For those who has joined the workforce, we could still find our ways to follow the tips well.

This hifz technique was taught by the Algerian Shaykh Zakariya al-Siddiqi who teaches at the Institute of Human Sciences in France and is one of the foremost scholars of Quran today.

He memorised it by the age of 9 and dedicated his life to studying and teaching it, and he once told us the story of one of his friends. His friend was an engineering student, who was a ’Fresher’ about to embark on a 5 year degree. Let’s call him Ahmed…

Ahmed was an intelligent student who followed one of the oft-forgotten Sunnah’s of Success…

Quran Memorization Tip 1: Wake Up Early

He woke up earlier than most people. In fact, he woke up on time to get to the Mosque to pray Fajr every day. When he got home from the mosque, instead of busying himself with the internet or watching television, he spent the first few minutes of each day memorising the Quran.

Quran Memorization Tip 2: Each Day Memorise Less Than You Think You Can

Ahmed made a firm commitment to memorise the Quran, but instead of rushing in and trying to memorise one or two pages each day (like his friends who gave up before long), he confined himself to learning 5 lines per day.

This worked out to be about 20-30 minutes per day for him.

Quran Memorization Tip 3: Get Familiar First

In order to overcome the initial unfamiliarity with the new verses, he spent the first few minutes each day actually writing out the 5 lines of that day onto a small sheet of paper.

He spent the next few minutes reciting them over and over, and then attempted to memorise them.

Quran Memorization Tip 4: Keep Today’s Verses Close At Hand

As Ahmed went about his day, he often found that he had a few chunks of time – several minutes each. During these times, such as waiting for the bus, or waiting for a teacher to turn up to a class, Ahmed would try to remember the 5 lines from that morning.

To aid his memory, he kept the sheet that he wrote out that morning folded in his pocket, and would pull it out if he was struggling.

Quran Memorization Tip 5: Use What You Memorise In Every Single Salah

To further support his memory, every prayer he prayed that day, he would recite the same 5 verses of Quran that he learned that morning. In each aka’, he would alternate between the 5 lines from that day, and the 5-10 lines he learned the previous days. And remember…

Quran Memorization Tip 6: Keep Track Of Your Goal

With the Uthmani script of the Quran, there are exactly 15 lines per page. So, by the end of the week, Ahmed had not only memorised 2 whole pages of the Quran, but he had written them out in full, too… a very blessed act if ever there was one.

Quran Memorization Tip 7: Perfect Your Tajweed As You Go

On the weekend, Ahmed would visit a local scholar of Quran recitation, and would revise with him the 2 pages he had just memorised, and have a go at the 2 pages he would be working on the following week. This way, he was certain to learn the Quran with accurate tajweed and beautiful recitation.

There was one other secret to Ahmed’s success.

The Spiritual Secrets Of Successful Memorisation…

Once a week, on a weekend evening (usually on a Friday night), Ahmed would wake up in the middle of the night, and pray Tahajjud. During his special Tahajjud prayer, Ahmed would recite the whole two pages he had learned that week, and consolidate them.

At this point, the Shaykh mentioned that perhaps one of the reasons so few people manage to wake up and do this special prayer, which is highly recommended by the Quran and by our beloved Prophet (saw), is that we don’t have anything to recite.

We have so little Quran memorised that there’s no fun or enjoyment in the challenge of waking up for Tahajjud, and we often find even the fard prayers a ’chore’ instead of a pleasure.

The Results…

You can imagine Ahmed’s excitement and feeling of achievement and success 3 months after he started, when he had memorised the entire 1st Juz!

It’s not just the feeling of success and empowerment that the Quran gave him, but also the deep connection with Allah (SWT) he felt every single day.

You can only imagine how proud he must have felt of himself, when upon graduation Ahmed not only received a 1st class degree in engineering (he was 3rd in his class), but he had also officially memorised the entire Quran. He was a hafidh.

Shaykh Zakariya pointed out a final lesson from this blessed brother.

The biggest achievement he made was not to memorise the Quran. The biggest achievement he made was to be deeply connected with the Quran every single day for 5 years.

That connection with Allah (SWT) is what made Ahmed so special. That deep link with the Creator is what keeps life in perspective and is what helped Ahmed to keep on track with the little weekly targets he set for himself.

One can only imagine what happened to Ahmed’s levels of personal fulfilment, Iman and taqwa, as he went back every single day to develop this ritual of ihsan (spiritual excellence). Each day he woke up for Fajr and wrote out another 5 lines of Quran, his self-esteem and self-confidence soared…

“Can the reward for excellence be anything other than excellence?” Surah Rahman (55: 60)

Harapan yang musnah sekelip mata

Sudah seminggu berlalu semenjak kejadian kebakaran dekat IMR. Yep, sekarang saya menjalani latihan di situ. Saya dipercayai oleh Dr, diberi projek beliau yakni a study of Haemophilus influenaze type b(Hib). Saya sendiri dah jatuh cinta dengan Hib, suasana dekat IMR, kesusahan melakukan PFGE,analysing sequence dan optimising and re-optimising my own PCR for Hib. Even, freezer yang melalak pun saya dah sayang. Tapi apekan daya, semua tu sementara je kan.

Pada 18.4.2011, jam 10.30 pagi, Kak Y masuk ke dlm lab smbil berkata 'kena keluar ade kebakaran'. Mula-mula memang blur, antara nak percaya atau tak sebab tak dengar pulak bunyi fire alarm. Lepas tu kelam kabut bos datang lab kami yang paling hujung. Cepat-cepat suruh kami keluar dari lab, barulah kami semua terhegeh-hegeh. Cepat-cepat aku buka gloves and lab coat. Order sequencing dah dilupakan. Capai bag dan terus bergegas ke tangga emergency. Bila dah sampai kat padang tempat berkumpul tu, barulah fire alarm berbunyi. Padahal ramai dah berkumpul kat padang. Selang beberapa minit, bomba pun datang. Sambil berkumpul tu, tertanya-tanya jugak, dari mana punca kebakaran tu.

Rupa-rupanya dari stor chemical unit nutrition. Betul-betul je atas lab kami. Menggelabah jugak sebab takut keadaan lab nanti jadi teruk. mungkin dah terbakar. Bersyukur sebab kami sempat keluar, terbayang jugak masa tu kalau-kalau ada explosion ke. Ye lah chemical yang terbakar kan..

Lepas sejam menunggu kat padang, kami disuruh menjauhi bangunan tu, sebab udara mungkin tercemar dengan bahan-bahan toksik yang terhasil dari chemical yang terbakar. Lori-lori bomba yang datang pun bukan nya yang biasa, HazMat(Hazardeous Material). Kebakaran chemical tu dipadam pulak dengan HazMat, memang patut sgt lah kami ni kena bergerak jauh. Bau nya pun tengik semacam. Last-last kaki kitorang dah berjalan ke luar dari IMR,, menuju warung nasi ayam depan HKL. Melantak la kejap nasik ayam dengan teh ais. dah sejam melepak dekat warung tu, baru nak bergerak balik. Tapi dapat call masa dekat depan pagar guardhouse, kebakaran semakin teruk. Ramai yg dah balik. Pintu pagar pun ditutup. Orang luar hatta van hospital yg datang nak hantar sample pun terpaksa balik dengan kehampaan. Kami yang tadi ingat nak balik ke IMR semula terus call bos dan mintak kebenaran nak balik. Bos pun bagi. Yahoo! ape lagi kami semua pun half day. Kak E tak bawak turun handbag, sempat capai dompet dgn Handphone je. Nasib baik la dapat capai, kalau tak capai alamat terbako le semuanye.

Keesokan harinya, semua orang datang macam biasa, tapi arahan dari pihak atasan suruh kami semua berkumpul dekat padang macam semalam sebab tak tahu keselamatan untuk naik bangunan tu semula. Dr A memberi taklimat, dan mengumumkan yang bila kebakaran dapat dipadamkan petang semalamnya, semua dah ok. Tapi pada pukul 10 malam semalaam terjadi lagi kebakaran, sampai pukul 4 pagi. Kesian bomba terpaksa lagi datang IMR malam2 buta. Ye la dah la dekat dgn HKL, karang tak pasal2 merebak ke sana. Kebakaran pada waktu malam tu lah yang menyebabkan kerosakan teruk. Major structural damage. Harapan untuk naik sangatlah tipis. Orang2 JKR akan dipanggil untuk menggagak tahap kerosakan bangunan tu. Kami bersurai dan patut berkumpul semula 3 jam selepas itu. Tercangak-cangak semua orang nak cari tempat melepak. Lepas 3 jam menunggu kebosanan, Dr A mengumukan yang sejam yang lalu, kebakaran bermula sekali lagi. Yang peliknya, kebakaran bermula dalam pukul 10 pada setiap kali nak terjadi. Wallahualam jangan pulak ade yang fikir benda2 tak elok. Yang besnya, kami dibenarkan balik awal sekali lagi. Tapi diarahkan untuk datang keesokannya dengan berpakai sukan.

bersambung...

From Beirut to Jerusalem... From my heart to you, Palestinians.

I'. on a verge of deciding to go or not to go for a ToT for Palestine speakers. I have been waiting for such a LONG time for such a thing and now I am hesitating, I don't know why. SO, I planned to read books regarding the Palestine issues to urge my inner will to go for it! And hoping I will still get a place.

Browsing the mini library of our little library in a place I call 'home', I found a book whose owned by an unknown owner. Certainly, I am sure I am allowed to read the book. I was 'eye-ing' the book for some time, but have not manage to have my own copy yet. THe book entitled 'From Beirut to Jerusalem' by Dr Ang Swee Chai is now a book you'll see I'm carrying all the time now. Thanks to the book, now I am at a right pace of reading and looking for more.

What is inside intrigued me. It touches straight to your heart and will never know when you will shed your tears while reading it. It was very emotional although you are reading it from stacks of papers, but Ang had done it well through her writing. I admired her courage to write such a book, of being very open in voicing the truth, proud as she is half Malaysian, and prouder to discover that she discover and fell in love with my brothers and sisters in Palestine. I wonder how much will I ever heard this from a non-Muslim, I should be embarrassed by now, so much that I can't bear of what I called myself as a muslim, but little I had done for my brothers and sisters in Palestine.

Here I quote some of the very touching part of the book.

I started to cry. For the first time I grasped the scale of what had happened. The truth hit me painfully. I had been so busy that I had no time to think. But now, I knew that while we had been trying to save a handful of people in the operating theatres of Gaza hospital, the camp folks(Sabra and Shatila) had been dying by the thousands outside. Besides being shot dead, people were tortured before being killed. They were beaten brutally, electric wires were tied around limbs, eyes were dug out, women were raped, often more than once, children were dynamited alive. Looking at all the broken bodies, I began to think that those who had died quickly were the lucky ones.
The machine-gun rattle that we had heard from the hospital was not fighting between PLO terrorists and Israelis as I had vaguely assumed, but had been the sound of whole families being shot dead in cold blood. The heavy explosive noises we had heard had been the shelling of the camp homes. The camps were completely sealed in by Israeli tanks, and not even a child could sneak put past them. When we asked the two thousand people hiding in Gaza Hospital to run away, they had nowhere to go. So indeed, many of them were murdered later that morning. People full of hope an d life were now just mutilated corpses. These were the folks who after months of bombardment had come back from the bomb shelters to live in the camps. They had ben so optimistic just a few days ago. They had believed the promises of the USA and other powerful nations that they would be left in peace, if the PLO left. They all thought they were being promised a chance of life.
I had watched them rebuilding their shattered lives and homes just a few days before. I had spoken to women sho had watched their sons,brothers, and husbands being evacuated with the PLO under the peace agreement and then had taken the guns they left behind to surrender them to the Lebanese Army or throw them away on the rubbish dump. I had eaten in their homes and had drunk Arabic coffee with them. My surgical skills had enabled me to treat a few people, to save them so that they could be sent out into the streets, unarmed, to be shot down again, this time, successfully. I hated my own ignorance which had deceived me into believing that we all had a real hope of peace in Sabra and Shatila,a real chance of a new life. Like everyone else from the West, I thought things would be all right once the PLO left. I thought they were the ones whose presence caused all the attacks on the camps.
I had thought the old people could retire when the PLO went, and the children could grow up - instead of having bullets put through their heads, and having their throats slit. I was a fool, a real fool. It had never occurred to me that this would happen. It was a grim moment. I felt forsaken by God, by men, by a world without a conscience. How could little children suffer the agony and the terror of watching scenes of torture, of their loved ones being killed, of their homes being blown up or bulldozed over. For these children, the mental scars, the psychological wounds would probably never heal. It was one thing to die suddenly. It was entirely different to watch loved ones being tortured and killed, while awaiting one's own turn.

I feel like...

Aku rasa hendak berlari... tanpa henti
Aku rasa nak terbang tinggi... tanpa ada hadnya lagi
Aku rasa mahu hilang... tanpa ada yang menyedari
Aku rasa aku mahu semua yang aku rasa

Bertanggungjawab... satu tabiat, bukan sifat

Setelah sekian lama menyepi dari dunia blogging, tiba-tiba jari ni rasa gatal nak menulis. The title says it all. Saya tak perlu lagi nak jelas kan panjang2. Kita dilahirkan di dunia bukan dengan sedia adanya kita mempunyai rasa tanggungjawab. Tapi rasa tanggungjawab akan datang bila sampai masanya kita faham yang ianya satu kewajipan. Ada orang lambat, ada orang cepat.

Tapi yang uniknya, kita kena tahu, rasa tanggungjawab ini boleh dipupuk. Jadi sebab itu saya kata ianya tabiat, bukannya sifat seseorang. Kalau sifat tu kan macam kita dilahirkan dengan sifat lemah lembut, penyayang, atau tegas dan baran.

Semua orang tak suka dengan orang yang tak bertanggungjawab. Pendek kata benci sangat. Siapa suka lelaki yang pandang buat anak saja, tapi tak bertanggungjawab dalam menjaga anak? Siapa suka ketua yang pandai nak arah orang saja, tapi tak reti nak bertanggungjawab mengurus hal-hal orang yang dipimpin? Siapa suka dengan guru yang hanya pandai mengomel, tapi tak bertanggungjawab dalam mendidik anak murid dengan betul? Siapa suka pada orang yang hanya pandai menegur, tapi padahal diri sendiri tak bertanggungjawab pada apa yang diperkatakannya? Siapa suka? Siapa? Siapa?

Jawap nya.. Tak ada SESIAPA pun.

.....Jadi salah akukah?

mode: bingung...